*weird tots*

Have u ever have the feeling of loneliness even though u are together with a group of frens? Like u mayb laughing and smiling with them but there is no connection at all... topics does not seem to link at all... feeling totally not at ease... not saying things that u really mean... somehow it might even feel a chore?

I admit i am not a gd fren to others... often do things that i would not want them to happen to myself... :( dun know why also... self-protect mechanism? dun know... I think i have lousy interpersonal skills, a bit difficult to communicate with others... might give ppl the feeling that i dun care a damn... but it is not really the case, i just dun know how to phrase it in another way... weird weird stuff will just pop out of my mouth... and i'm sure that ppl must have felt that i am weird... wan to make conversation but always not knowing what to say... therefore just keep quiet... I seem to be always be the one walking behind the main grp, wan to join them but dun know how to cut in without seeming rude... so i just chose to keep quiet and try to listen on... most of the time i realised i dun know the topic that they are discussing... it just make me feels sad... even up till now... no offense to anyone in particular, i just felt at times that i am actually dispensible... not needed by anyone... sad right... u must be wondering who in the right mind would think this way...

mayb i think too much le... needed a outlet to let out my tots...